For True

My dad may be a southern, white, male Republican but don’t let that fool you. He is full of a diversity of culture.
For my spring break I went on a mission trip to New Orleans.

If there is one thing my dad has taught me it is “immerse yourself in the culture,” Kind of like the whole “When in Rome, do as the Romans do” concept.

So when I was talking to my dad he asked if I could speak Cajun yet. 

I told him I hadn’t mastered it yet. Luckily my parents lived in New Orleans for a little while when they were first married so he dropped some knowledge.

“When people are asking if another person is being serious, in New Orleans they say ‘For true?’” (emphasize a higher octave on the word true)

My mother swore to me that she never heard anyone say that when they lived there, but my dad was of course screaming in the background “That’s because your mother was a social recluse! I immersed myself in the culture and became one of the people.”

I believe him.

Then he wanted to know if I had a beignet.

Check.

Trying to make him proud. 

Because you see my dad doesn’t miss a thing.

He has even immersed himself in the new-age, hip culture.

Life Lesson: Immerse yourself.

The Christmas Chronicles of Wise Wes

I am a failure and haven’t blogged about my wonderful father in awhile. 

Normally I come up with a clever title and have a general theme for the post, but just so much has happened. Therefore I will just present it to you in a series of short stories called “The Christmas Chronicles of Wise Wes.” These will happen over a series of the next couple of posts.

Christmas is my absolute favorite time of the year to spend with my dad. He really thrives with pessimistic humor in times of holiday cheer.

My dad doesn’t really like all the glitz and glam of Christmas. Hauling down all the decorations from the attic, putting up lights, buying presents and all those special times are not his favorite. His dream is that one day he can just turn on a projector and it will project a tree onto the wall.

One night over the holidays we went to Hobby Lobby, because my mother was on some sort of crazy garland hunt. My dad and I found this Charlie Brown tree which he absolutely loved.

Side note: When my parents got to the register my dad is about to hand me the tree and says “you and your mom checkout, I’m going to run to the bathroom.” But at the same time my mom says “wait no, I was going to say that.” They pause and stare at each other and then in one fowl swoop a tree was throne at me and my parents just started running, racing each other to the bathroom. So there I was alone, with no money and a Charlie Brown tree at the register. Pathetic I know.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVPi7EBRsE0&feature=youtu.be

If you missed that at the end he says that the tree represents his Christmas. Also sorry it’s sideways, I don’t know how to fight that.

My dad’s least favorite thing about Christmas is Christmas Eve. He got sent to Walmart three times on Christmas Eve and described it as the “Apocalypse” because it was an “absolute zoo.” So my brother threw a wrench in Christmas traditions, because he has a job as a nurse now. We had to forgo the traditional Christmas Eve party and opening presents on Christmas morning so we could open presents on Christmas Eve.

A little saddened by the lack of traditions I asked my parents on Christmas Eve night if we were still going to have cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning. They didn’t even know it was a tradition. So while we were all out we asked my dad to run into Walmart. Forty-five minutes late he emerges from Walmart, hands me two cans of cinnamon rolls. In a staggering, voice like he had just fought a war he said “Chooooke on it.”

He loves it.

Oh and it helps to know that at dinner he said he was “on his last Christmas nerve.”

He always freaks out about the weather on Christmas. His logic is if rains then everyone will not want to go outside and they will wait out the storm. So then they stay in his house, and sit on his furniture and eat his food forever.

So he was depressed that it was supposed to rain on Christmas. But he tried to make the best of it….until his Charlie Brown tree ornament was broken. Christmas canceled.

No my dad is a trooper. As long as there are still gobs of ice and free refills in the world he will continue to “barely make it” in a world that “fights him every step of the way.”

Life Lesson: To quote the Grinch (my dad’s favorite Christmas movie) “Cheer up dude, it’s Christmas.”

Thanksgiving of the sea

Unfortunately I almost never see my father on Thanksgiving. He always works Thanksgiving so he can get Christmas day off. Fortunately, I decided to skip all my classes this week and spend some quality time with the family.

I have missed my home, particularly my wonderful dad.

My dad around the holidays is my favorite part about the holidays. Now, Christmas is my all-time favorite, but Thanksgiving is a close second.

He is already pretty jazzed about Christmas. The other night we went to see his mother and he told her he was expecting a big gift. She responded by saying “Suga, I’m sorry I don’t have a dime to my name.” His face turned to shock as he exclaimed,”but I thought we were going all out this year?” He quickly came up with the solution of getting her the dates for the blood bank so she could sell her blood to buy him a present. I’ve said it before, he does not want his Christmas ruined.

Tonight I called him up at work on the eve of Thanksgiving to ask him a question for an assignment. Then he went into the usual “your mother is trying to kill me, she keeps making me ‘special’ cookies” conspiracy theory.

Next came the pity party. He told me to bring him a to-go box back from the Thanksgiving feast. He said he would probably just get “turkey tuna” to eat. Except he doesn’t have a can opener so he said he would just curl up next to it and cry.

“So when they are passing around the Who-Hash and mashed potatoes piled high as the eye can see just remember some people are still trying to get into their can of turkey tuna.”

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Life Lesson: Be thankful for what you have, because there is always someone out there trying to get into their can of turkey tuna.

Nurse Dad

My parents have great occupations for me to benefit from. My mom is a teacher so she helps me with homework and my dad is a nurse so he helps when I’m sick.

My mom’s advice varies based on the homework. Maybe I need to add a comma, or I didn’t do the math right or a sentence doesn’t make since.

My dad, however, has the same advice almost every  time. Vitamins, Vitamin C, get some sleep and drink plenty of fluids. It will cure anything. Cold? done. Broken leg? done. Heart attack? done.

I remember one Thanksgiving I jammed my finger playing football with my family. My mom wanted me to go to the doctor to look at it, but my dad just told me to pull on it. I still have a bump on that finger.

I’m sure my dad is a great nurse to his patients, but it is so hard to picture him being a very sweet-typical nurse. He tells me he likes to go into his patients’ rooms and ask them if they can reach the nurse buzzer, and if they say “yes” he moves it a couple more inches away. I’m not sure if he’s kidding.

I found out I had scoliosis my senior year of high school. They basically told me it was too late to do any treatment and not severe enough for surgery. So once there was nothing left to be done my dad claimed it as fair game. Every time I get a picture taken he tells me to stand up straight…burn. He also tells me to wear my purse on my “higher shoulder” to even things out. It’s not actually noticeable, my family just takes no prisoners.

So recently, I called my dad because I pinched a nerve in my back and it was really hurting. He has been texting me every day since asking me how it was doing, and of course could not miss one last jab.

Life Lesson: Vitamins, Vitamin C, get some sleep and plenty of fluids.

Free for all

If there is one life lesson my Dad has taught me more than anything it’s this:

If it’s free, take it.

The man is all about getting his money’s worth.

His theory about drinks is the more ice the merrier. I know what you might be thinking, wouldn’t you get more for your money if you did less ice and more drink? Well, Wise Wes has of course skirted his way around this challenge. He only buys drinks with free refills. Then he fills the cup up to max capacity with ice. This allows full advantage of free refills and a refreshing, cool beverage.

He explained this to me this weekend.

And every time, and I mean EVERY time, we go somewhere he asks for a to-go cup, because he has “a long trip ahead.”

No matter where we are, even five minutes from home, he always has a journey ahead.

Also unlimited things. We went to Olive Garden this weekend and he gave us the usual “eat til you bust” pep talk after we ordered the endless soup and salad.

“Anyone need a soup refill?”

This guy.

I remember as a child going to my dad’s friend’s wedding on a boat. For the reception they had mostly seafood. My dad walked out of the cabin with a plate full of shrimp. He told me to go get some shrimp. I reminded him that I don’t like seafood, to which he responded “It’s free shrimp!”

I have been eating shrimp ever since.

At my preview at UF, after consulting with my adviser for half an hour about my future, he asked if she had any free swag for me. Like this was some sort of promotion she was doing. Needless to say I still have the little foam gator she had in her office.

Pearl of  Wisdom: If life hands you lemons, take as many as you possibly can.

Floyd for the future

Most people have trouble placing their faith in a political candidate because they never do everything they say they will in campaigns.

America, I present the real deal.

Wes Floyd, a man of vision and real change.

My family took a trip to DC at the end of the summer and I realized my dad is settling by being a nurse. He has a vision for change.

Here is what a Wes Floyd America would look like:

Potbelly ever day. Every time it came to make decision about where to eat for a meal, it cued dad to start his endless chanting of “Potbelly! Potbelly! Potbelly!” It’s cheap, sandwiches and dangerously similar to Firehouse. So obviously a Wes Floyd favorite.

A better subway system. Ignore my face. I don’t know what I’m doing. My dad envisions America with clean metros and less “shelling out money.”

More elevators, less broken escalators. He’s positive he can make millions with an escalator repair business in DC. Almost every up escalator was broken. I know he looks panicked in this picture, but he really loves elevators. We just all reached a point where we didn’t know what to do in pictures anymore. My mom snaps pictures like crazy.

Finally a world where a man does not have to “fork out $30 at a cupcake store.”  In my defense we bought other things besides and it was DC cupcakes! He didn’t see my point.

Remember vote Floyd in 2012. A man of real change. When people ask him how he is doing he usually responds “Surviving in a world that fights me every step of the way, you?” or “Barely making it, thanks for asking.”  He can provide a change.

He’s a man of the people. We toured the White House and didn’t even see Obama. My dad promises if he is president he will “stop in and say hey to the peeps.”

Every Christmas he asks for world peace. Mostly because he thinks we are going to get him gifts he doesn’t want and ruin his Christmas, but its the thought that counts.

Pearl of Wisdom: Vote Floyd for real change!

 

 

Home away from home

I’m sorry it has been so long since I last posted. Since then I have moved back to Gainesville and started my third year at the wonderful University of Florida.

Living so far away from home can be tough, but thank God for Skype. It lets me keep in touch with my boyfriend and family, which of course means my dad.

Here’s how our normal Skype conversations go.

My dad asks me how the car is doing, he asks me about money and he asks me if I have received the Golden Gator.

That’s not a real award. My dad just makes up a highest award for every school I go to. Elementary school really did have an award called the golden chief (which he called the golden eagle) and I actually did receive it. However since then I have been striving for fictitious awards. The  silver knight, the golden patriot and now the coveted golden gator. Regardless, I always tell him I’m working on it.

Then after that my mom usually asks some more personal, in-depth questions. My dad thinks she is then just dragging it out too long.

He usually at this point says he feels awkward and does something like this.

That’s usually when my mom knows it’s time to cut the conversation, because he has lost all sense of focus.

Every end of a conversation is the exact same however. He points his finger, says “Go Gators!” freezes and whispers for my mom to cut it.

The Chipper Chicken.

The most exact representation of my dad in the Hollywood sphere is Steve Martin in Father of the Bride. He would like the “chipper chicken.”

If I was to sum up my dad’s financial motto it would be “cheap. ” The last thing my mother and I hear when leaving the house is usually “Don’t spend any money!”

Ever since I was young my dad  trained me to walk straight to the clearance section in stores. I couldn’t tell you the last time I bought something full price. That’s insanity.

So my brother’s birthday was a few weeks ago and my parents got him a new smart phone. Obviously that meant my parents had drop a lot of money.

My mom was about to throw away his “23″ candles when my dad noticed an opportunity to save.

  Needless to say we are set for Ryan’s 32 birthday. Dad is also rockin’ a free Chick-fil-a shirt.

Life Lesson: Go for the chipper chicken.

Roll with it

Every kid gets embarrassed by their parents. There comes a point in the kid’s life where they learn to roll with it, because this is the hand they have been dealt.

I think I learned this lesson at a middle school math tournament. My dad rushed there right after getting off of working a night shift. However, I got out on the first round.. out of like 4. So my dad hoisted me up on his shoulders and yelled “She’s number one!”…….while the math tournament was still going on.

From then on I learned to just embrace everything he does. Hence this blog.

 Also my dad is a striaght up G. This is him with his Christmas present from the neighbors. If you can’t tell that is an Obama puzzle.

This next picture is from my mother’s teacher appreciation picnic. He closed his eyes and grabbed my mother and I’s hands every time they announced another raffle winner.

 We didn’t win anything.

Here is yet another Christmas present, a Gator snuggie. Fitting that it’s Christmas and my Dad chose to pose like the Messiah.

Last, but certainly not least, is the picture from my cousin’s graduation. My mother made the mistake of letting my dad carry the monopod that we use for the camera. This is him walking out of the building pretending he is blind. People were actually moving out of his way and I’m pretty sure he was in the background of some family’s picture but they didn’t have the heart to ask him to move.

Life Lesson: Have fun with life. 

The family table

 The family table is supposed to be a wonderful time when the family gets together to laugh and share about their day.

The Floyd family rarely gathers around our family table, so we haven’t quite mastered that concept yet.

My dad accuses my mother of “doddling” all the time. Somehow she always finds a way to be the last one to the table.

This bothers dad because he is both fast and efficient when it comes to eating.

For example, my mother made spaghetti, corn and bread for dinner. My dad just decided to combine it all.

He also does this thing where he bends to hug you (I was sitting on the couch after dinner) and then he just collapses and yells “push!” It’s awful.

Life Lessons: Don’t Doddle. It all goes to the same place.