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Nurse Dad

November 1, 2011

My parents have great occupations for me to benefit from. My mom is a teacher so she helps me with homework and my dad is a nurse so he helps when I’m sick.

My mom’s advice varies based on the homework. Maybe I need to add a comma, or I didn’t do the math right or a sentence doesn’t make since.

My dad, however, has the same advice almost every  time. Vitamins, Vitamin C, get some sleep and drink plenty of fluids. It will cure anything. Cold? done. Broken leg? done. Heart attack? done.

I remember one Thanksgiving I jammed my finger playing football with my family. My mom wanted me to go to the doctor to look at it, but my dad just told me to pull on it. I still have a bump on that finger.

I’m sure my dad is a great nurse to his patients, but it is so hard to picture him being a very sweet-typical nurse. He tells me he likes to go into his patients’ rooms and ask them if they can reach the nurse buzzer, and if they say “yes” he moves it a couple more inches away. I’m not sure if he’s kidding.

I found out I had scoliosis my senior year of high school. They basically told me it was too late to do any treatment and not severe enough for surgery. So once there was nothing left to be done my dad claimed it as fair game. Every time I get a picture taken he tells me to stand up straight…burn. He also tells me to wear my purse on my “higher shoulder” to even things out. It’s not actually noticeable, my family just takes no prisoners.

So recently, I called my dad because I pinched a nerve in my back and it was really hurting. He has been texting me every day since asking me how it was doing, and of course could not miss one last jab.

Life Lesson: Vitamins, Vitamin C, get some sleep and plenty of fluids.

Free for all

October 18, 2011

If there is one life lesson my Dad has taught me more than anything it’s this:

If it’s free, take it.

The man is all about getting his money’s worth.

His theory about drinks is the more ice the merrier. I know what you might be thinking, wouldn’t you get more for your money if you did less ice and more drink? Well, Wise Wes has of course skirted his way around this challenge. He only buys drinks with free refills. Then he fills the cup up to max capacity with ice. This allows full advantage of free refills and a refreshing, cool beverage.

He explained this to me this weekend.

And every time, and I mean EVERY time, we go somewhere he asks for a to-go cup, because he has “a long trip ahead.”

No matter where we are, even five minutes from home, he always has a journey ahead.

Also unlimited things. We went to Olive Garden this weekend and he gave us the usual “eat til you bust” pep talk after we ordered the endless soup and salad.

“Anyone need a soup refill?”

This guy.

I remember as a child going to my dad’s friend’s wedding on a boat. For the reception they had mostly seafood. My dad walked out of the cabin with a plate full of shrimp. He told me to go get some shrimp. I reminded him that I don’t like seafood, to which he responded “It’s free shrimp!”

I have been eating shrimp ever since.

At my preview at UF, after consulting with my adviser for half an hour about my future, he asked if she had any free swag for me. Like this was some sort of promotion she was doing. Needless to say I still have the little foam gator she had in her office.

Pearl of  Wisdom: If life hands you lemons, take as many as you possibly can.

Floyd for the future

September 22, 2011

Most people have trouble placing their faith in a political candidate because they never do everything they say they will in campaigns.

America, I present the real deal.

Wes Floyd, a man of vision and real change.

My family took a trip to DC at the end of the summer and I realized my dad is settling by being a nurse. He has a vision for change.

Here is what a Wes Floyd America would look like:

Potbelly ever day. Every time it came to make decision about where to eat for a meal, it cued dad to start his endless chanting of “Potbelly! Potbelly! Potbelly!” It’s cheap, sandwiches and dangerously similar to Firehouse. So obviously a Wes Floyd favorite.

A better subway system. Ignore my face. I don’t know what I’m doing. My dad envisions America with clean metros and less “shelling out money.”

More elevators, less broken escalators. He’s positive he can make millions with an escalator repair business in DC. Almost every up escalator was broken. I know he looks panicked in this picture, but he really loves elevators. We just all reached a point where we didn’t know what to do in pictures anymore. My mom snaps pictures like crazy.

Finally a world where a man does not have to “fork out $30 at a cupcake store.”  In my defense we bought other things besides and it was DC cupcakes! He didn’t see my point.

Remember vote Floyd in 2012. A man of real change. When people ask him how he is doing he usually responds “Surviving in a world that fights me every step of the way, you?” or “Barely making it, thanks for asking.”  He can provide a change.

He’s a man of the people. We toured the White House and didn’t even see Obama. My dad promises if he is president he will “stop in and say hey to the peeps.”

Every Christmas he asks for world peace. Mostly because he thinks we are going to get him gifts he doesn’t want and ruin his Christmas, but its the thought that counts.

Pearl of Wisdom: Vote Floyd for real change!

 

 

Home away from home

September 19, 2011

I’m sorry it has been so long since I last posted. Since then I have moved back to Gainesville and started my third year at the wonderful University of Florida.

Living so far away from home can be tough, but thank God for Skype. It lets me keep in touch with my boyfriend and family, which of course means my dad.

Here’s how our normal Skype conversations go.

My dad asks me how the car is doing, he asks me about money and he asks me if I have received the Golden Gator.

That’s not a real award. My dad just makes up a highest award for every school I go to. Elementary school really did have an award called the golden chief (which he called the golden eagle) and I actually did receive it. However since then I have been striving for fictitious awards. The  silver knight, the golden patriot and now the coveted golden gator. Regardless, I always tell him I’m working on it.

Then after that my mom usually asks some more personal, in-depth questions. My dad thinks she is then just dragging it out too long.

He usually at this point says he feels awkward and does something like this.

That’s usually when my mom knows it’s time to cut the conversation, because he has lost all sense of focus.

Every end of a conversation is the exact same however. He points his finger, says “Go Gators!” freezes and whispers for my mom to cut it.

The Chipper Chicken.

July 30, 2011

The most exact representation of my dad in the Hollywood sphere is Steve Martin in Father of the Bride. He would like the “chipper chicken.”

If I was to sum up my dad’s financial motto it would be “cheap. ” The last thing my mother and I hear when leaving the house is usually “Don’t spend any money!”

Ever since I was young my dad  trained me to walk straight to the clearance section in stores. I couldn’t tell you the last time I bought something full price. That’s insanity.

So my brother’s birthday was a few weeks ago and my parents got him a new smart phone. Obviously that meant my parents had drop a lot of money.

My mom was about to throw away his “23” candles when my dad noticed an opportunity to save.

  Needless to say we are set for Ryan’s 32 birthday. Dad is also rockin’ a free Chick-fil-a shirt.

Life Lesson: Go for the chipper chicken.

Roll with it

July 8, 2011

Every kid gets embarrassed by their parents. There comes a point in the kid’s life where they learn to roll with it, because this is the hand they have been dealt.

I think I learned this lesson at a middle school math tournament. My dad rushed there right after getting off of working a night shift. However, I got out on the first round.. out of like 4. So my dad hoisted me up on his shoulders and yelled “She’s number one!”…….while the math tournament was still going on.

From then on I learned to just embrace everything he does. Hence this blog.

 Also my dad is a striaght up G. This is him with his Christmas present from the neighbors. If you can’t tell that is an Obama puzzle.

This next picture is from my mother’s teacher appreciation picnic. He closed his eyes and grabbed my mother and I’s hands every time they announced another raffle winner.

 We didn’t win anything.

Here is yet another Christmas present, a Gator snuggie. Fitting that it’s Christmas and my Dad chose to pose like the Messiah.

Last, but certainly not least, is the picture from my cousin’s graduation. My mother made the mistake of letting my dad carry the monopod that we use for the camera. This is him walking out of the building pretending he is blind. People were actually moving out of his way and I’m pretty sure he was in the background of some family’s picture but they didn’t have the heart to ask him to move.

Life Lesson: Have fun with life. 

The family table

June 29, 2011

 The family table is supposed to be a wonderful time when the family gets together to laugh and share about their day.

The Floyd family rarely gathers around our family table, so we haven’t quite mastered that concept yet.

My dad accuses my mother of “doddling” all the time. Somehow she always finds a way to be the last one to the table.

This bothers dad because he is both fast and efficient when it comes to eating.

For example, my mother made spaghetti, corn and bread for dinner. My dad just decided to combine it all.

He also does this thing where he bends to hug you (I was sitting on the couch after dinner) and then he just collapses and yells “push!” It’s awful.

Life Lessons: Don’t Doddle. It all goes to the same place.

 

Father’s Day

June 29, 2011

Dad loves gifts.

Let me be more specific. Dad loves gifts he picks out on his own.

Every Christmas he makes a short, yet very detailed Christmas list from Lowes. I’m talking barcode number specific. He says he doesn’t want us to ruin his Christmas. Which is why he usually requests a giftcard, because he still thinks we’re going to blow it.

So naturally he has been pretty stoked for Father’s day. He actually banged on my door on Mother’s day demanding his presents.

This was after he woke up and my mother threw his presents on him. For Mother’s day my brother and I made a scrapbook for my mother. It was very sentimental and beautiful. So we decided to try something similar for dad.

We made a box for him and put letters inside telling him how much we loved him.

Like clockwork he shook the letters for money.

Then we had to break it to him that since he had to work that night, we would take him to dinner the next night.

“This Father’s Day sucks.”

Classic Dad.

 

Texting

June 6, 2011

My dad is a pretty cool guy. He is always up-to-date with the latest trends.

His big hook is texting.

He texts quite often. This is at lunch with me at Sonny’s. His excuse is “I have friends”

Normally I live about 300 miles away from him so I usually get a text every day. However, my dad is not that great at typing so he just types out one text and resends it every day. So I get “Go Gators!” and “Have a good day” all the time.

As do my friends.  If you give him your number, he will text you words of encouragement.

My personal favorite is during exam week, “Where there’s a will there’s an A.”

Not-yo’s

June 1, 2011

We went to Village Inn one night for dinner while my brother was in town.

Usually when we talk about our jobs mom talks about school, ryan talks about his clinicals and I talk about my internship.

Dad, however, used this as an instance to teach us a life lesson from his venue of work, the hospital.

He said one lady always picks up his cup with her thumb in it and asks him if it belongs to him.

He is very protective of his overally-iced drinks and cannot fathom why someone would do that to his drink.

Life lesson: do NOT pick up cups like this.

 

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“I mean who does that?”